You love a person, but you are not sure how to introduce them to your parents and seek their blessings for marriage. Do not worry as it is a common scenario in India. Here’s how to convince your parents for a love marriage.
- Be sure of your choice: Be sure that marriage is what you want, and with the person you have chosen. Your confidence in your choice will help your determination to convince your parents.
- Maturity: Behave responsibly, so that you parents see you as an adult capable of making their own decisions. This includes financial independence and stability, and emotional maturity.
- No surprises: Start talking about marriage, love, and relationships for a few days. Mentally prepare your parents for the main discussion. This will put their mind on the topic and give you a chance to gauge their reactions on the mention of love marriage. That will help you frame the conversation correctly.
- Proof of happy love marriages and unhappy arranged marriages in your social groups: This will show your parents that love marriages do not end up in divorce (as in common perception), and not too alien. If it is an inter-caste relationship, look for examples of that, and also try to highlight how caste is not the factor your parents should be concentrating on.
- Build allies: Gather cousins, aunts, uncles who you know do not mind love marriage, and ask for their help. Seeing that their relatives do not mind, eases your parents tensions of “log kya kahenge” in the family. These allies can also be mediators between you and your parents, in case they are really strict and do not want to listen to you.
- Know your enemies: Know what concerns and points your parents will have, and base your discussion countering the same. Also, keep your parents away from relatives you know are not supportive of your cause.
- Keep calm: Throughout the whole spiel, keep your head clear, and do not give into the anger/ frustration you are bound to feel. Instead, address your parents’ emotions and assuage their fears.
- One to another: If you have one sympathetic parent, get their support first, so that they will help in convincing the other parent. Also, have the first discussion alone, so that your parents are not hindered by thinking of the other people present. Bring in the reinforcements in later discussion.
- Your partner: Most importantly, get your parents to meet your partner, and highlight their best qualities, so that they would feel at ease knowing your partner and the love between you two. Also, let the two families meet, for building a more comfortable alliance.
In either case, if they are still not convinced, you need to emotionally and financially prepare yourself for the choice you make. Do you want to heed to your parents, or go against them and marry the partner you want? Make your choice carefully. In many cases, despite people marrying against their parents’ wishes, all may be forgiven in a few years when the parents see their happiness, or their child.
If there is any danger to your or your partner’s life because of this revelation and you feel your parents might take drastic measures to stop the union, be sure to seek legal help beforehand, and be prepared for such situations.
Wish you the best in both seeking your parents’ blessings, and the marriage you want to have.