Relationships

7 tips on dealing with breakups

Breakups are hard. Here are ways to deal with the inevitable heartbreak.

Breakups are hard. Here are ways to deal with the inevitable heartbreak. Have a friend dealing with relationship issues? You may want to internalize the tips here so that you can be of greater support.

Listen to your gut

Relationships require constant nurturing, but in the right ones, it won’t feel like work all the time. When something’s not working, it’s natural to try to get them back or do all that one can to make it work, given how emotionally invested we can be in a relationship.

Yet, despite your best intentions and efforts, if you believe that a relationship just isn’t working – and you are the one in the relationship and know it better than others around you do – then understand and accept that.

It’s okay not to feel okay

If you see the relationship’s ending as inevitable, make peace with it. Know that it’s okay to feel sad for a while. Human as we are, one of the instinctive ways in which we deal with heartbreak is to seek to fill the sudden gaping hole in our hearts and to feel loved again. Resist the urge to do that.

When the right person comes along, fall in love because of what you see in them (as it should be), not because of your need for reciprocal love. Besides, if a new relationship were to materialize quickly, it may be a rebound, and rebound relationships aren’t built on a strong foundation.

Take your time to heal

Don’t force yourself to just get over it. Feel the feelings and be kind to yourself.

There is probably no adult out there who hasn’t known a breakup. If they were able to get over it, so will you. Believe that this too shall pass. Be positive. Be patient.

Grow from this

You don’t need to take a fatalistic view that things happen for a reason or for the better. Rather, look at it this way: There may be something good or useful to extract from even a bad situation.

Reflect on your failed relationship and strive to grow, continually, into a better, wiser person. After all, success isn’t not falling; it is the act of getting back up after a fall.

Don’t neglect self-care

Don’t bottle up your emotions. Talk to people you trust and who care about you. Steer clear, though, of those who are wounded themselves and may influence you with unhealthy, biased views.

Do yourself a favor and avoid posting your relationship details on social media. Better yet, do a social media detox.

Take care of yourself. Live in the moment, rather than lose yourself in thought trains of the past. Exercise. Eat right. Sleep well. Spend a lot of time outside. Fresh air can clear the mind.

Rediscover yourself

While being in a relationship you might have had to compromise and negotiate what you ate, where you went, what you watched, and who you socialized with. Make the most of your new-found single status, by investing more into yourself and your personal growth.

Get involved in new activities, but not merely to distract yourself. Be active.

Be willing to be hurt again

Being in love, giving your heart to someone is a wonderful feeling. However, it means that you have to be prepared to be vulnerable again, despite the possibility of knowing heartbreak again.

You may well surprise yourself by how open you are, when the time is right, to loving and to be loved again. Until then, be at peace.

Editor’s note:
When you’re ready, here are tips on finding someone and also tips on common dating mistakes to avoid.

A version of this post appears here.

About the author

Anil Kumar

Anil Kumar is the founder and CEO of Jodi365.com, which aims to become the preferred matchmaking platform of educated Indian singles worldwide.

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