{"id":97,"date":"2014-08-15T15:56:59","date_gmt":"2014-08-15T10:26:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.jodi365.com\/singledout\/?p=97"},"modified":"2020-12-25T11:44:44","modified_gmt":"2020-12-25T06:14:44","slug":"harassment-if-you-see-something-say-something","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jodi365.com\/singledout\/harassment-if-you-see-something-say-something\/","title":{"rendered":"Harassment: If You See Something, Say Something!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Notice how some moments get etched in our memories? \u00a0Here\u2019s one that got etched in mine a long time ago.<\/p>\n<p>It was my 10<sup>th<\/sup>\u00a0or 11<sup>th<\/sup> birthday, and I was on my way to school with one of my brothers. \u00a0At the bus stop, we noticed an older schoolmate and began chatting with him. \u00a0I merrily opened the customary box of toffees that I was carrying, to offer to classmates, and let this friend have the first one.<\/p>\n<p>It must have been about 7:30 in the morning. \u00a0We were standing outside a neighborhood convenience store, which was getting started for the day, while a nearby hole-in-the-wall cafe was already humming with activity. \u00a0I recall being impressed with the coffee-pouring skills of the barista at that cafe\u2019s entrance.<\/p>\n<div><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"\/\/www.youtube-nocookie.com\/embed\/su9_FK8xDLQ?rel=0\" width=\"560\" height=\"420\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n<div><em>Think these street-cafe skills are amazing? They\u2019re quite common in India.<\/em><\/div>\n<p>While we waited for our bus, another bus came to a stop in front of us. \u00a0The morning calm was rudely disturbed by the sounds of a couple quarreling inside the bus. \u00a0The woman acted like she wanted to break free of the considerably older, tipsy man, who followed her as she made her way across the length of the bus and got off. \u00a0He got off after her and grabbed and pulled her. \u00a0She cried, screamed, and resisted. \u00a0He seemed frail, but was still stronger. \u00a0She clearly didn\u2019t want to be with him. \u00a0Yet, he dragged her back into the bus. \u00a0The rest of us, on the sidewalk and in the bus, must have numbered at least 20, but nobody said or did anything.<\/p>\n<div><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/1dzgqXjhTA8\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n<div><em>What would you do if you saw someone being harassed? \u00a0What if the harasser claimed to know the victim?<\/em><\/div>\n<p>The bus driver moved on, as if he had made just another stop, but the memory of that stop remained.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p>Years later, the incident came to mind as I came across Elie Wiesel\u2019s quote:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><em>We must take sides. \u00a0Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. \u00a0Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>I got to experience firsthand, in a similar situation, how taking sides can empower the oppressed. \u00a0This was while being driven through a dense Chennai neighborhood about 15 years ago. \u00a0(I was then a bona fide NRI, getting used to being treated as a tourist and guest in his very hometown.) \u00a0It may have been dark, but I could see a man arguing with a woman, whom he had pinned against a wall, and slapping her.<\/p>\n<p>I had the car brought to an abrupt halt and rushed out to intervene. \u00a0Perhaps unwisely, I restrained the stranger and, with finger wagging, forcefully said, \u201cDon\u2019t do that!\u201d \u00a0Within a minute, several other bystanders converged upon us and the woman began to pour out her woes \u2013 how the good-for-nothing guy would often get drunk and snatch her earnings. \u00a0Emboldened by the group intervention, she even began thrashing the man. \u00a0I had to tell her that her raising her hand wasn\u2019t okay, either.<\/p>\n<div><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/KIvGIwLcIuw\" width=\"560\" height=\"420\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n<p><em>How to overcome the bystander effect and help someone who is being harassed or being taken against their will.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>With some sense of normalcy restored, the crowd began to disperse. \u00a0What was disturbing, though, was to hear someone share his understanding of the situation: \u201cThey are not married but are in a live-in relationship.\u201d \u00a0Not only was the tone judgmental, but also I couldn\u2019t see how a relationship status could condone physical assault.<\/p>\n<p>Fast forward another 15 years, to just a few months ago. \u00a0I got to hear something similar from a cop on duty! \u00a0I approached the cop after witnessing a drunk \u2013 there we go again \u2013 landing a kick on a woman just yards from me. \u00a0It was on the sidewalk of an arterial road, in a business district, in broad daylight. \u00a0The cop was outright dismissive and set on standing his ground at the entrance of a government building, rather than being open to walk some 100 feet with me and at least give the drunk a warning.<\/p>\n<p>As I passed the agitated drunk on my way back to work, he began to threaten me. \u00a0Refusing to back down, I whipped out my smartphone and proceeded to take his picture. \u00a0(Much as I may miss my 2007-vintage Blackberry, I was again glad that my wife persuaded me to retire it and upgrade to a smarter, camera-equipped smartphone.) \u00a0I could forgive him for not cooperating, but it was hard to understand that a law-enforcement officer would continue to be dismissive of the escalating situation. \u00a0\u201cYou don\u2019t know squat,\u201d he lectured me (in Tamil). \u00a0\u201cThese people fight and create a scene in the day, but come night time, they patch up and get drunk together. \u00a0You should mind your own business.\u201d \u00a0In hindsight, I should have taken his picture too or at least noted the name on his badge, the disgrace that he was to his uniform.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_3571\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-3571\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-3571\" src=\"https:\/\/www.jodi365.com\/singledout\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/harassment.jpg\" alt=\"Confront harassment 1\/2\" width=\"300\" height=\"500\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.jodi365.com\/singledout\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/harassment.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.jodi365.com\/singledout\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/harassment-180x300.jpg 180w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-3571\" class=\"wp-caption-text\"><em>Confront harassment (1\/2)<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<figure id=\"attachment_3572\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-3572\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-3572\" src=\"https:\/\/www.jodi365.com\/singledout\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/02.jpg\" alt=\"Confronting harassment (2\/2)\" width=\"300\" height=\"500\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.jodi365.com\/singledout\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/02.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.jodi365.com\/singledout\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/02-180x300.jpg 180w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-3572\" class=\"wp-caption-text\"><em>Confronting harassment (2\/2)<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Picture my pleasant surprise, then, upon reading about someone\u2019s getting an Indian cop to act promptly on a <a href=\"http:\/\/www.independent.co.uk\/news\/world\/asia\/indian-jogger-filmed-chasing-and-hitting-man-who-sexually-harassed-her-in-bangalore-9664574.html\">harassment complaint<\/a>. \u00a0Coming in the wake of months of unabated reports of attacks against women in India, the story was indeed heartening.<\/p>\n<p>It gave me more food for thought, but that\u2019s for another post.<\/p>\n<p>Editor&#8217;s note:<\/p>\n<p>Moral policing has been on the high in many cities lately. \u00a0If you are dating in Chennai, read:\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.jodi365.com\/singledout\/chennai-dating-navigate-minefields-visit-places\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Minefields To Navigate And Places To Visit<\/a>.<\/p>\n<div style=\"margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" class=\"sharethis-inline-share-buttons\" ><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Notice how some moments get etched in our memories? \u00a0Here\u2019s one that got etched in mine a long time ago. It was my 10th\u00a0or 11th birthday, and I was on my way to school with one of my brothers. \u00a0At the bus stop, we noticed an older schoolmate and began chatting with him. \u00a0I merrily [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":25,"featured_media":106,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[30,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-97","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-culture","category-features"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.3.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Harassment: If You See Something, Say Something! | SingledOut by Jodi365.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What would you do if you saw someone being harassed? 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