One would think that after so much trial and error, I\u2019d be married by now. I\u2019m not. There are, however, some things I\u2019ve discovered while on this journey.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s two years since I met not Mr. Darcy, but Mr. Dowry. Two years! I cannot believe that in two years a concerted effort to get me hitched has yielded no results.<\/p>\n
I think there might be something fundamentally wrong with me.<\/p>\n
Maybe I\u2019m unattractive, but if beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, then unattractive is a relative term! Maybe I don\u2019t qualify to be the perfect little wife. Maybe there are no men in Kerala who could possibly think that a confessional, pop-writer is a good bet as a wife. What if I use them as material for my writing? Too risky! Besides which, I am a \u201cfreaky girl\u201d, and freaky girls are just not acceptable applicants into wife school.<\/p>\n
There is absolutely no way that I am cowing down to social pressure to get married. What\u2019s the incentive anyway? That people will stop asking inappropriate personal questions? Here\u2019s my take on that. As long as you\u2019re single, at least the comment is \u201cGet married soon\u201d. Once you are married, however, talk veers from \u201cHow are things with you and your husband?\u201d to \u201cAre you pregnant yet?\u201d to \u201cDon\u2019t be so argumentative, men don\u2019t like that\u201d to \u201cWhen I was newly married, I did(n\u2019t) do this\u2026\u201d. I choose one intrusive comment over multiple intrusive comments any day!<\/p>\n
Being single is no fun ride either, by the way. I\u2019ve been temple-hopping with my family, who are entering these holy spaces to pray, with a single-minded goal, that I will get married courtesy some epic divine intervention. From a beautiful shrine in Kerala that entertains \u201cHelp us get her married\u201d requests to a few places of worship that dot the Chennai coastline, I\u2019ve been to plenty of temples, accompanied by my overzealous family who hope to god that something happens.<\/p>\n
One word out of my mouth, and they tear at me like a pack of hungry hyenas. \u201cStop making such a fuss\u201d, \u201cWe\u2019re in a holy place, I don\u2019t see why you need to be so negative\u201d, \u201cThis girl is impossible, all she does is complain\u2026 stop it!\u201d. It\u2019s maddening. There are times when I wonder if I should just get married so this will all stop, but it takes me back to the unsolicited commentary and I stop myself from wishing too hard.<\/p>\n
Personally, I would like to be in a long-term, committed relationship with someone I like and respect.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t need to be a peachy, picture-perfect relationship. Those don\u2019t exist. For some reason, wanting a relationship and getting said relationship seem to be on two opposing ends of the spectrum. I think I know why.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s because I spend this much time harping on what they\u2019re doing rather than sit with them and explain exactly what I\u2019m looking for. However, parents, like us when we were little, have very selective hearing. They absolutely refuse to give you the benefit of the doubt. For them, you\u2019re young and you have no clue. But having been born as divinely blessed beings who\u2019ve never done one stupid thing in their lives, parents are somehow in a better position to judge.<\/p>\n
I know that I didn\u2019t sign up for this.<\/p>\n
So this is where it\u2019s at now \u2013 my parents are still scouring the Internet, the phone directory, the state of Kerala, and the Malayali community across all of planet Earth, to find me a suitable boy. They also know that when the time is right, he will fall out of the sky and crash land on our terrace. Until then, they can be found, praying real hard and bribing that fat priest, at a temple near you! As for me? I\u2019m the one observing all this from a distance, and recording it so you and others \u2013 especially the ones who can relate \u2013 can empathize, commiserate, or just have a good laugh. More than anything, I hope you recognize that you\u2019re not alone in what you\u2019re going through!<\/p>\n
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Image courtesy of flickcoolpix<\/a> via\u00a0Creative Commons<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Editor’s note:
\nFor other parts of this six-part Kalyanam Chronicles series, click on the links below.<\/p>\n\n