Inspired by the Church of Scientology\u2019s auditioning actresses to be Tom Cruise\u2019s girlfriend, the Congress Party embarks on a search to find Rahul Gandhi a bride.<\/p>\n
Vanity Fair broke the news recently about the\u00a0Church of Scientology\u2019s having\u00a0auditioned<\/a>\u00a0member actresses some years ago to be Tom Cruise\u2019s girlfriend. \u00a0The story had barely begun to die down when word got out that the Congress Party has embarked on a similar drive to find Rahul Gandhi a bride. \u00a0As one party elder put it, \u201cGone are the days when you could say that you are celibate in service to the nation. \u00a0This is\u00a0kalyug<\/em>! \u00a0If you are in the public eye and not married, the public assumes you are gay. \u00a0That may work in America, but in India, it is not good for your electoral chances! \u00a0Besides, it is Sonia Madam\u2019s wish that before our Rahul Baba is crowned prime minister, we should find a\u00a0Sati Savitri<\/em>\u00a0to take a seat beside him on his rightful throne.\u201d<\/p>\n Our sources report that a high-level committee chaired by senior Congress leader and Rahul Baba\u2019s mentor, Digvijay Singh, was swiftly formed and put into action. \u00a0Committee members included party faithfuls, Mani Shankar Aiyar and Jairam Ramesh and also, for his experience in bride-hunting, Shashi Tharoor.<\/p>\n Following intense deliberations, the committee presented Sonia Madam with a list of Top 10 criteria for an ideal Gandhi\u00a0bahu<\/em>. \u00a0Let it be said, you saw it here first!<\/p>\n 10. She must be well versed in modern Indian history. \u00a0(Rahul Baba\u2019s father is Rajiv Gandhi, whose father is Feroze Gandhi, who is unrelated to the father of the nation,\u00a0Mahatma Gandhi.)<\/p>\n 9. She must know Hindi or,\u00a0like Sonia Madam<\/a>, have the ability to master new languages as an adult. \u00a0(Rahul Baba likes to talk to\u00a0aam aadmi\u00a0<\/em>in Hindi and can\u2019t have his wife wondering whether he\u2019s talking to\u00a0Mango Man!)<\/p>\n 8. She must be \u201cconvent-educated\u201d and know that a\u00a0diphthong<\/a>\u00a0isn\u2019t some thong dipped in water. \u00a0(Rahul Baba is Raul to near and dear ones, and we can\u2019t have anyone butchering his pet name!)<\/p>\n 7. She must love Italian food and know\u00a0how to\u00a0pronounce<\/a>\u00a0it. \u00a0(Rahul Baba is half-Italian \u2013 duh! \u2013 and loves ordering pizza.)<\/p>\n 6. She must be strong enough to carry a heavy duffel bag while travelling. \u00a0(We don\u2019t talk about it much, but Rahul Baba does not like to\u00a0check baggage at airports<\/a>.)<\/p>\n 5. She must have the ability to remember routes and schedules of local trains. \u00a0(Rahul Baba\u00a0likes to\u00a0ride them<\/a>\u00a0on a whim, and even his handlers often can\u2019t keep up.)<\/p>\n 4. She must be able to ride a motorcycle. \u00a0(Rahul Baba\u00a0likes to\u00a0ride pillion<\/a>\u00a0as he visits\u00a0aam aadmi<\/em>.\u00a0 See also, Hindi requirement above.)<\/p>\n 3. She must not be a fan of high heels. \u00a0(Rahul Baba\u00a0likes to go on\u00a0padyatras<\/em>, also known as long, meandering walks across varied, uneven terrain.)<\/p>\n 2. She must be a practitioner of yoga. \u00a0(Rahul Baba\u00a0likes to show up unannounced for dinner at modest\u00a0Dalit\u00a0<\/em>homes, and his wife can\u2019t show discomfort while sitting cross-legged on the floor.)<\/p>\n 1. She must stay away from modeling for towels. \u00a0(The last Gandhi\u00a0bahu<\/em>\u00a0who\u00a0did that<\/a>\u00a0didn\u2019t quite get along with her\u00a0saas<\/em>, and Rahul Baba\u2019s relationship with his mother is important to him.)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n This blog post first appeared in The Unreal Times<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n Image courtesy of The Unreal Times.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Editor’s note:<\/p>\n We also heard that\u00a0things aren’t so well between President Obama and the First Lady. \u00a0Read about it here: Obama Divorce Rumors and Desi Dreams<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/p>\nTop 10 criteria for Rahul Gandhi\u2019s bride:<\/strong><\/h1>\n